The three gold keys

There are three main reasons why Belgium possesses the three gold keys to unlock the gates of Alicia’s heaven. No ladies it’s not the men, you have to go to Holland for that where they are all tall strong and handsome. Although, hmm I must admit they are mighty scrupulescent here as well. One, every single corner of every single street in Brussels has the most amazing little chocolate stores. Did you know that Godiva and Hagen Daz is from Belgium along with five hundred other mouth watering types of chocolates? Today from one little chocolate store I purchased three different kinds of chocolate hazelnut pieces that each individually have distinct flavors even though they are from the same family. And who doesn’t like chocolate during the time of the month? Belgium is literally, as Erica calls it, menstruation paradise I tell you! Who needs men for orgasms when you can have five hundred in one night with each delicate little bite of Belgian chocolate. Take your pick you can have creamy vanilla, smooth milk chocolate, nutty ebony or mix them all up together at once for one wild erotic night! Now I can finally understand how my own German blooded master pastry chef father has always declared that Belgium’s chocolates and deserts are far better than his own homeland. Second reason I love Belgium, because the beer is so deliciously smooth that you just want to savor it in your mouth unlike the usual gulping down bottles of bud water. For example Stela Artoi and Hoegaarden have recently become quite popular in the U.S. especially at breweries like Yard House. We Americans rave of how delicious this Belgian beer is but the sad truth is the Stella Artoi tastes absolutely nothing at all like the real one out here because in Belgium, it is so much fresher and the alcohol content much stronger. Erica and I had a recent Heineken science experiment in Holland the other day in which we discovered the same sad truth. Heineken tastes completely different in Holland than in the U.S. As a professional beer scientist and years of beer drinking, I have made the scientific conclusion that the reason for the beer flavor changing is because of how it is manufactured and bottled before being sent to the U.S. Throughout the duration of being manufactured and then transported, the beer becomes stale due to the cheap glass it is put in or the time it takes to get to the consumer, thus bitter, the color fades equaling watery consistency and flavor, the heat infiltrating through the poor cheap glass of the bottles results again in stale bitter and flavorless beer. In Belgium, there is not even a tinge of a bitter aftertaste, the consistency is fuller, and even the color is so much more golden. My personal favorite is Hoegarden because it even has a mild sweet flavor like Hefenweizen but is no where near as filling nor as sugary. All in all, I officially declare that Belgium beer is the best beer in the whole wide world and I plan on pressing charges against Yard House when I return to the U.S. for false advertising and misrepresentation of Belgium beer. And finally, the third reason why I love Belgium is because there is such an abundant fusion of ethnicities and food that you just can’t get enough. Belgium is a mix of German French and Dutch influence and although French is the dominant language the people here also speak German, Flemish, English, and many Spanish. In addition, there has recently been in the past thirty years a huge migration of Asians and people from West Africa. After all, little Belgium colonized big Western Africa for many years. Especially Brussels being the capital of not only Belgium but also of Europe and the center for the European Union, attracts people from all over the world. Therefore, can you even imagine how amazing the food is here? The first night we arrived here we indulged in a French Mediterranean cuisine that consisted of melt in you mouth pieces of lamb, cous cous, with tomatoes, and white raisons. Yesterday for lunch we had proscuitto with bre cheese baguettes smothered in pesto sauce and for dinner tonight red curry Thai chicken with vegetables, shrimp boiled dumplings dipped in soy sauce, and fresh spring rolls wrapped around shrimp and pork. I must say, tonight was probably the best Thai food I have ever eaten in my entire life. But so many tourists are mistaken by constantly eating right in front of the traps and thus pay enormously huge amounts, get shitty service, and mediocre quality. Erica and I make it a priority to ask where the best restaurants are and make a conscious effort while walking off the beaten path to check the menus so we know we have plenty of options when we return for dinner. With the chocolate, beer, and fusion of cultures I must say these three gold keys are the gate to the golden heaven of Belgium.
To add to what lies behind the golden Belgian gates, today we took a train ride from Brussels which is where we are staying, over to the little medieval city know as Brugge. The entire city is filled with one elaborate church or castle after another, cobble stone roads, elaborate statues and fountains, along with a fabulous market place with horses taking people around in carriages. Surrounding the city are canals in which you can take boat tours throughout the center. I know it sounds like a little delusional fairy tale I made up but unless someone put lsd in my coffee this morning I swear that is how picture perfect it really is. We headed over to the Groeninge museum which has a wide collection of 600 year old to present day Flemish work. I personally thoroughly enjoy Flemish Primitive artwork because I think it is so neat how these artists were so precise in capturing such fine minute details from peoples faces, parts of nature such as plants and flowers, luminescent coloring radiating anywhere from the flesh tones to the gold coloring of robes but yet, were so proportionally off with where they placed their figures and how elongated they made certain pieces of the body, thus giving almost deformed looking body types. Linear perspective was before Flemish artists time and therefore they relied on optical perspective (painting larger images in the forefront and smaller in the back) thus resulting in disproportionate sizes of figures and space. Some of the work I saw today was so amazing because for example, there was a painting of Mary nursing baby Jesus. Now how many zillion paintings consist of Mary and Jesus throughout Europe I seriously could not tell you. But here’s the cool twist, instead of the Flemish artist making the human figures completely proportionate and realistic, baby Jesus has arms and toes that are way too long, his head is too big, and then the rest of his infant size is way too muscular. Mary is enormous in comparison to the fairy tale imaginative background that sits behind her. But wait, how come the garden to the left of her has perfectly sized and shaped flowers? And why are the people way in the background sized perfectly proportionate? And why is the background of a famous Brugge scenic canal that I just saw outside before coming into the museum, mixed with some made up imaginary scenery that the artist just made up but doesn’t and never has really existed in Brugge? That’s what is the mystery about Flemish artwork. Yes, they did not have the resources to understand human anatomy or linear perspective but yet I think they toyed with their work for fun. They were masters of capturing the luminescent coloring of peoples flesh tones by painting with oil paints on wood boards layer upon layer to create the perfect color and texture and capture the fine details to make their work look like a photograph but nevertheless, how ironic that they supposedly accidentally made certain body pieces way too big resulting in disfiguration. And, some artists made the landscapes of Brugge so realistic while others included imaginary scenes like depictions of heaven, which was obviously purposely placed in there to create certain illusions. Furthermore, Flemish artists were such masters of mixing realistic pieces with the imaginary that in “The Last Judgment” by Bosch, that I saw today, he has heaven on the left with hell on the right. In the middle, he uses imaginary pieces like a wood clog as the sailboat with a crazy devil riding on it with a huge knife in hand. Then he also has musical instruments that are representative of sexual objects along with large rats with human heads running around. Its totally sick and twisted but again it makes me wonder how could these artists make such large errors of body figuration and placement by accident regardless of their lack of knowledge on linear perspective. This museum is so proud of Brugge’s master artists that ninety percent of it’s work originated from Brugge. The museum starts you off with classic Flemish primitives work such as Jan Van Eyck, Hugo Van der Goes, Hieronymus Bosch, Gerard David, and Pieter Porbus but then throughout each gallery room you wander into, the pieces are more recent all the way to the 1970’s. Therefore you are able to see the huge transformation from the 16th century classics of Flemish to neoclassicism, Flemish expressionism, surrealism, and right into contemporary Belgian work. This helps you see piece by piece the huge improvements and changes throughout the centuries to body sizes and placement of objects once linear perspective was introduced and then the incorporation of Flemish expressionism mixed with Cubism between the two world wars. It’s fascinating because the museum really portrays the transformation and fusion of different and new techniques in the mediums throughout such a huge period of time. All in all Belgium is an amazing country and unfortunately is not visited as widely as places like Paris and Rome even though it flourishes in art from its Flemish masterpieces, fairytale landscape scenery, and culinary art experiences of savory dishes, chocolate, and beer.