Eieiu Braten

Well what can I say about the whirlwind week of Karneval that I just survived? Umm, let me start by saying I think Erica and I are about ready to check into the German Beddy Ford Rehab Detox Center. My liver is actually making weird gurgling noises like its drowning in a bucket of Bitburger and Schnapps. Come to think about it I think that’s about all I am going to say about the past five days because I think the pictures speak loud and clear of just about how much fun we had dancing to weird German techno and waltzes with old men, linking arms and loudly singing Karneval folk music, eating bratwurst with French fries every night, and drinking in elaborate costumes for fifteen hours a night. Oh wait and did I forget to mention that Erica and I landed on the cover of the Düsseldorf Times, which states in bold letters, “The Free and Long legs at (hotel name) is the new thing this Karneval and worth coming to check out.” Oh yes and then I met the Prince of Düsseldorf, was asked to play Vana White at another bar by pulling out the raffle tickets and announcing the winners in German, and then last but certainly not least, was asked by the most adorable little teeny bopper if she could take a picture with me because she has never met a real “Californian” before and was super dooper excited. So basically you guys are all thinking Alicia why don’t you stop bragging about how much fun you are having while we are all stuck at work ready to smash our computer screens with the fax machine and throw the printer at our bosses head? Well my lovely little friends all I gotta say is buy your ass a ticket and I will meet you at the airport with a bucket of Bitburger and bratwurst with your name on it. Until then get back to work!
So moving on for a little history lesson on the best festival in the whole wide world, Karneval originated all the way back in the 1600’s and therefore each day has a specific purpose. For example, on the first day known as Vibaball all the old women of the village gather together to protest and take over the village government. In order to carry on the tradition, they put on scary old witch masks and head over to the village center in a parade with the marching band, cut off the men’s ties at the government building, and steal the golden key from Gotvield (governor). We had so much fun watching the official start of Karneval because not only did we get to see the old witch parades amazing costumes but also, the most adorable kids all dressed up in various animal costumes running around and cute old people dancing to Karneval folk music in front of the government building. One thing that absolutely amazes me is how precious and innocent the children are here. They have this aura of freedom and security about them that American children simply can’t have. These children don’t know what it’s like to be scared of avoiding the evil man that tries luring you with candy because this evil just doesn’t exist in their safe world. I found myself captivated with taking one picture after another of all the small children because it is seriously amazing how happy they all seem to be. It’s like they never stop laughing and singing songs, playing games, and dancing in circles with each other. When I saw this I had a flash back remembering how incredibly lucky I was to have been able to have part of my childhood in a sheltered bubble when I used to visit here. I would spend my days riding horses with my cousins and biking over to Bruggen to get ice cream everyday without a care in the world. So the other night Erica and I decide to go for a long walk around the village and through some of the farm land. While we were passing by an empty park that had absolutely no street lamps anywhere and was almost completely pitch black, a small little boy around the age of 8 walks out of nowhere and creeps up behind us literally startling Erica. He walks right up to Erica’s face and says, “Hallo Ver bist du? Hello who are you”? We both surprisingly smile back at him and I explain to him in German that we are from America and this is Erica and I am Alicia. So then I look around me wondering where the hell is this child’s parents and why is he skipping along the street playing with a yo yo in his hand chatting with complete strangers late at night. So he innocently responds, “Hi I am German and I am going to visit Oma and good bye.” Off he goes walking by himself down the dark road. I seriously almost got upset for a second afraid that something might happen to this sweet child wandering around with his yo yo. But then I remembered harm to children is non existent in this village so of course this is completely normal for an eight year old to be running around by himself late at night. Unfortunately, the same fairytale scenario would never occur in America. Why, because sadly, America is statistically proven to have one of the highest ratio of children kid knapping in the world!
The second day of Karneval throughout the rest of the week consists of each village having their own individual parades with their precious princes and princesses and parties that carry on throughout the early hours of the morning. After the first day, they all seem to start blurring together, but if you would like to get a full review of the individual days history and significance, my Oma would be more than happy to sit you down and tell you in full detail over a delicious cup of coffee and cake. As for me, my nuttiest and funniest night was the one in which we began with the parade at two pm., followed by numerous yummy little schnapps bottles, partying at the bar until two am., followed by cooking a zillion plates of fresh farmers eggs with bruschetta, Bitburger, and cigarettes until five am with Meggie Rudiger Erica and the crazy neighbors that initially tried hosting the after party at Oma’s house by loudly singing my name and Karneval music in the driveway until we agreed to come next door to join them. My Oma and dad made sure to inform me how they very much appreciated being woken up by the singing about Eieiu braten (cooking eggs) music and witnessing one of our friends Simon leaving the neighbors house in a drunken stupor, half dressed, and completely barefoot in minus one degree weather crossing the street to his parents house later that morning while Erica and I were peacefully passed the fuck out until like two in the afternoon. On a side note, Simon’s parents have now officially kicked him out of the house since he has failed to be sober for 96 hours straight during this week of chaotic Karneval, so if any of you would like to volunteer in opening your home to a drunk barefoot 21 year old please let me know.
So now that Karenval is over, all of the Germans must be good little Catholics and stay away from sweets, alcohol and engaging in deviant actions. Why? Well but of course because Lent has begun. I laugh to myself thinking how convenient that Karneval just happens to fall right before Lent so the Germans are well aware that during Karneval they must get all their partying out of their system because after they are supposed to give up all indulgences and naughty temptations and be on their best behavior. Me being a good little Catholic girl went with my family on Ash Wednesday to this restaurant in the middle of this forest by the village to eat the most delicious German food ever. This restaurant used to be in the area of Bracht which was strictly English. The English military and their family lived here for over twenty years and so the exact restaurant that we ate in used to be an old pub that English officers would come to. The surrounding forests has quite a variety of wild life. So once a year especially for Ash Wednesday this master chef cooks this exquisite buffet that consists of various fishes such as sword fish, salmon, and tuna a huge cheese platter of brie, muenster, mozzarella, fresh German white bread, and my personal favorite, fabulous lobster bisque. From the unique bean salads to the little potatoes with bacon, every single dish I tried was incredibly flavorful and unique. Of course no red meat was served due to Lent but don’t let that confuse you in thinking that my family resisted from indulging in Bitburger and Oma with her sweet tooth for cake, nearly dove into the deserts head first. All in all, Germany never fails to amuse me with it’s funny Karneval and Lent traditions and abuse me with Bitburger, Schnapps, and late nights of partying.