I smell like a flippin ashtray

Have you ever woken up from a late night of partying and thought to yourself god damn I stink? Perhaps your hair had the slight scent of cigarettes, skin smelt a little sour from the multiple martinis that you had gulped down, and your breath had the aroma of a goats ass. Well in my particular case, every inch of my entire body from my toenails to the back of my ears stinks of an ashtray filled with five hundred old cigarettes. You think I am joking, oh ha ha Alicia you made a funny, you little exaggerator! Oh no, this is not of a laughing matter. I literally spent the night in a sauna filled with three hundred cigarettes in my face. Erica Meggie and I headed over to a little village called Lloyd last night to engage in a pre carnival festivity. Although I have been to Germany probably fifteen times now it never ceases to amaze me how the German’s entire lives are circled around partying. For example, the actual planning of Carnival begins in November although the actual festival does not start until three months later. The prince for each village must throw a party every week starting in November so they spend approximately thirty thousand dollars a year on Carnival. Obviously the people of royalty in the villages have a ton of money to blow. The first day is supposed to be the wildest for the young partiers because all the women go out together and the men go out separately. This is the night in which in American slang terms, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” applies. Basically this is the night where any and everything goes whether you are married or single. Live it up, drink it up, and if you please, sex it up. Personally, I will be in bed at 9 pm. because I don’t like drinking or dancing and I particularly hate fun. Okay maybe Erica will twist my arm and I will go have a little fun. Every section of each village starts designing their costumes and floats months in advance so by the time its show time they are looking sharp and coordinated. The day of the parade they start getting their makeup done at 9am. begin drinking beer at 10am, jagermeister shots at 11 am, and then all liquored up ready for the parade at three. Do they stop drinking during the actual parade? Oh no they not only are in charge of throwing out little brandy bottles out to the crowd, but also continue to pound Bitburgers until the parade is over. Next, off to the beer tents where everyone joins in for Carnival folk singing and dancing the rest of the night. And by the rest of the night I am not talking about ending at 2am. like in the U.S. Try more like 6 in the morning. And oh yes how could I forget, did I mention, Carnival is five days long!
Last night was just an appetizer before the entrée arrives. Before heading out we made sure to bundle up like Eskimos because it is about minus one or two degrees. Winding through the narrow old cobble stone roads through the villages, passing by farms and old little houses to get to the pub, I thought to myself, its amazing how when I was younger and would come here every summer and winter, I never really appreciated how amazingly fortunate I was to have two childhoods, one in modern America and the other in a German village. Maybe I was too young to see that most people who travel throughout Europe are not so fortunate to hang out with the locals and discover little tourist free zones such as Bracht and this area of Germany. To prove my point of how non existent tourists are here Erica for example, was chatting last night with some random guys and every single one of them thought she was playing a drunk joke pretending that she was from California. Even with me, not until I mentioned I was Rudi Weider’s daughter did they believe me.
Since Erica and I arrived on Tuesday we have already rode our bikes around the villages, sat and drank coffee with Oma, ate yummy bread rolls with all the old locals at a little bakery in a village called Bruggen, hung out with my Uncle Pauldie watching home videos of Carnival in his pub that is located in his backyard, and engaged in complete chaos drunkenness at the pub last night. Oh and how can I forget yesterday during the day we went and saw the huge dome in Köln. This particular cathedral in my opinion is probably the most shockingly breathtaking in all of Europe. It is so incredibly huge that you literally have to step back like three blocks in order to even attempt to capture the entire length of it in a picture. The massive spikes at the tips of the cathedral literally appear to be hanging out with the clouds. Built before the Renaissance, this cathedral is one of a kind because throughout famous eras such as the Renaissance, numerous additions were made so you can actually see the unique styles of the different eras throughout sections of the cathedral. Not to mention it has outlasted many other cathedrals because it was preserved from being bombed during the war. Therefore, although it is almost a little scary to look at because of its dark gloomy color and ugly gargoyles looming above, it symbolizes power and strength, which is an accurate representation of German culture all the way back before the Middle Ages, throughout the Renaissance, and right into present day Germany.
So as I was saying about my ashtray stench, yes I smell like an ashtray but it was all worth it because last night was an absolute blast. I mean my lungs are probably filled with black tar, pretty soon I will have a hole in my throat in which like the old lady in the commercial, and I may die of cigarette smoke carcinogen suffocation but hey, I guess that’s the German life. When we arrived at the village Lloyd we walked into this pub and I literally almost took a step back because as soon as Erica opened the door no joke, a cloud of smoke came pouring out. Of course, since its ass cold outside all the windows are also shut so the heat and the cigarette aroma is quite overpowering. Nevertheless we quickly put down some yummy Bitburger beer which let me tell you is completely different tasting then in the U.S. It has no bitter aftertaste and is incredibly smooth, not to mention about double the strength of alcohol percentage than the U.S. as well. Loud Carnival music was playing and everyone around us was singing and dancing an old traditional German dance. Now I have been told once or twice that after I drink I tend to have what is referred to as, “loud voice disorder.” Well let me tell you, try taking two hundred of me all in one bar with loud Carnival folk music playing and you can imagine how loud it was in there. Well since we literally could not move because it was so jam packed there was nothing else to do but jump right in on the singing, drinking, and chatting with the locals. So far we have only been here for a few days and its amazing how quickly I readjust to this place because already, I feel right at home. How could I not feel on cloud nine with my family surrounding me with love, bread rolls mixed with delicious Dutch cheeses Italian prociutto or salami, pommes mit mayo (french fries with mayo), lecker (delicious) bratwurst, and a whole lot of Bitburger.